This bizarre thing keeps happening to me, whereby I meet a guy with whom I express an interest, they then chase me fervently, courting me with grand gestures, dates and affection, and the moment I relent and start to mimic their actions or admit my feelings, they run away. I am left alone in a state of confusion wondering, “what the hell did I do wrong?!”
This happened to me again the other day, but in the most heart-breaking way. The sun was shining, I had managed to drag myself out of bed at a normal person’s hour, and I was waiting in excited anticipation to meet up with my lovely boyfriend of a month, date of two. But instead of a date, I got a breakup instead. The excuse? “I think you like me more than I like you, and I don’t think it’s fair on you”.
From my perspective things were wonderful; chilled out, fun filled hilarity. We were buddies lucky enough to be into each other and this whole “liking him more than he likes me” thing is news to me. I was chased in the most glorious way by him, he asked me to be in this relationship, he smothered me with attention and affection, sent those first texts in the morning and made those last calls at night, and willingly met my parents. I made him dinner once. Put some kisses at the ends of texts. Wanted to make out with him a lot. Oh, and I surprised him with lunch when he was sick. Did I like him more than he liked me? I really don’t think so.
My exceptionally mature conclusion is that I think that he is an idiot (because, I’m like, perfect, right?) An idiot who doesn’t bother to ask how I’m feeling, just makes some grand assumption based off me trying to be someone who actually gives something back; instead of the lazy, cold and aloof girl I appear to be. So now I’m angry and I am feisty, I am bewildered and hurt, yes, but there are positives to this whole situation; I realised there are guys out there who I will actually fall for, I now have a bucket load of time for my studies, and I am single again. Let the fun begin.
And this is probably the most insane and depressing way to start a journal about motivation, ever. But, I am an exceptionally motivated person when I am heartbroken. I channel my anger and sadness into projects that better myself and my life. The last time my heart was, let’s say, destroyed, I travelled to Nepal, lost 10 kilos healthily, aced university and became a confident, happy and strong girl. I thrive off pain, apparently (that is so sad and so not true.. I hope). This is the fuel for my new, motivated fire.
I have been thinking of starting a motivational journal for myself for months and I’ve decided to begin this now on a very public platform, in order to kick bad habits and track how I am going. Accountability, baby. I’m starting small. Because I only have time for small right now. My main foci are my health and my studies. Come Summer I’ll throw in some art and music projects. The introductions and the goals for this blog have already been made on the elusive about page, take a geeze and learn something about me.
The universe has confused me this weekend, but I am going to take it all as it comes and use the bad to encourage the good. That is my major goal for the week.
Cue motivational music…