Today I did something I have never done before, I told someone exactly how I feel. But what? Anneke, you’re so vocal and always say all the words? I say words, so many, but they are softened because I loathe confrontation. Always honest, but always swaddled in sprinkles and laughter and joy. You have to wade through the glitter to get to my true feelings, sorry ‘bout it.
I’ve been incredibly angry with the boy who inexplicably and abruptly broke my heart. Sleepless nights and bitter thoughts have left me exhausted; emotionally and physically. Never have I experienced this kind of swelling rage before, and I needed to get it out. Lucky for me, he was willing to give me the time to express my feelings. So, I was angry, I didn’t soften my blows, but I rationalised what I needed to say and I made it clear how I felt and why. It felt awful, it was shocking, but it felt good in a way; this strong, fighting girl that hides away made herself known in full force and she was brilliant and shining! I didn’t want to hurt him, but I wanted him to understand, and if he didn’t know before, he goddamn’ knows he’s in the wrong now.
As much as I wish everything was how it was a week ago; it’s not. I got the answers I needed though and, being a firm believer in “if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be”, I will now move on. And sleep. Being angry is exhausting! How the hell do people hold grudges?! Sparkles and love all the way.
This week I have learnt to be honest with myself and honest with other people when it comes to how I feel. I have also learnt to take the power back, and shout, ‘cause, what’s more fun than that? (God, so not fun, give me cuddles world!!)
Cue hilariously applicable hip-hop…