The universe is trying to shake some positivity into me. Whenever I’ve dissolved into a little ball of negativity, feeling sorry for myself and wondering why everything is just so goddamn hard right now, a friend calls or messages me. The other day I got a hot chocolate and a shoulder to cry on, today I got a chat on the phone and some well timed country music, complete with plenty of giggles. This year has been tough, but it has thrown into light that I have the most incredible, supportive, loving, caring and hilarious friends that I could possibly wish for. I am so grateful and I have so much love for them. I am an exceptionally lucky girl. Surround yourself with good people and be good in return and you will lead a fulfilled life; a simple message for the masses.
A good friend was talking me through my negativity the other day, trying to help me regain a bit of perspective. Despite being a bouncy, charming optimist the majority of the time (truth…so true, ok?), I have a really bad habit of snowballing negative thoughts, making problems out of nothing and stressing myself out. For example, I’m currently in a melancholic state of “why is everything going wrong?! I’m heartbroken, I’m really sick, my Mum is so far away, uni is so stressful, etc, etc”. Her way of helping me through this is to get me to understand that only one of those things is a problem, the other things are just stuff. I was hurt, I can’t control that. I am sick, I can’t control that. My Mum is away, I can’t control that. Uni is stressful, and that is the problem, one that I can control and that I can work on. The other things, I can be sad about, but they are not my problems, so I don’t need to stress about them. As soon as I employed this tactic, of analysing the actual problem, the weight of my stress and anxiety dropped.
Studying architecture is stressful, but I know that, we all know that. I’m in my fourth year and I probably wouldn’t have got so far if I couldn’t handle it, so I think I just need to suck it up and keep going. It will all be ok, and over in two months time. I’m just going to take it one step at a time and do my best, because that’s all anyone ever can do. At the moment I am designing a huge medical centre complete with apartments and the size is overwhelming me. I need to break it down into workable chunks, get into the details of key spaces, take it from my scribbles onto the computer, get some good grounding in terms of research and design, design, design! Above all, I need to remember that I am good at what I do, I am talented and I am intelligent. This building aint gonna design itself! Positivity is key!
Things are getting back on track with a lot of help from my lovely friends and family, and this new found strength from within. Uni will be fine, my eating has been great in terms of my weight loss and I am in control of my life; I am over being stressed and sad. Taking back the power, yeahyeah!