I think I may have jinxed myself by gloating about my happiness yesterday. Last night I brought up with the guy I’ve been seeing that I felt as if there was a barrier between us; as if he was scared of getting too close. He told me that he was feeling unsure about being in a relationship and was therefore keeping his guard up. So, I ended it.
My reasoning is that I can’t let myself get involved with someone who isn’t going to be as committed as me. I have been in that position before, and it was a tumultuous, stressful, heart-breaking limbo to exist in. You are forever left wanting more, and the other person is forever pulling back. Sure, I could have waited and hoped that eventually he would be on the same page as me, but I do not have the emotional capacity to cope with that waiting period. I believe wholeheartedly that you should throw your all into everything, put your heart out there and be filled with hope, but sometimes you need to cut and run.
I feel like my response was very mature, very calculated and will keep my heart safe. If someone wants to be with you they will make an effort, they will prove it to you. If there are excuses they are not emotionally connected to you. It is as simple as that.
This does mean I will be putting my all into my thesis now. I will be eating well, exercising and refocusing that heart energy back to myself. I am happy to be single and on my own, I am content in my own life.
Heartbreak is shit, we all know that, but never let the possibility of it prevent you from throwing yourself at someone you like! You never know what may happen.