At architecture school we have a long history of presenting our designs in front of panels of terrifying architects, tutors and students, using made up words that we don’t even understand. If you walked in on one you’d see a bunch of half dead zombies staring into space with a teary eyed students getting ripped to shreds by cruel but talented people. Kind of like X Factor, it’s probably why we all love that show. It is torture, and pretty hilarious. Here’s a series of thoughts an architecture student will have before, during and after a design critique.
1) Alarm goes off after two hours of sleep. I HATE ARCHITECTURE SO MUCH. GO AWAY.
2) Well, I look disgusting. I’m going to put together the nicest outfit I own and ALL the makeup to make it look like I care.
3) I STILL LOOK LIKE SHIT. I don’t care. Screw architecture. My building sucks. I’m going to quit.
5) I wonder if they’ll notice that my render printed out blue?
6) They’ll definitely notice.
7) I PAID 80 BUCKS FOR THIS.
9) COFFEE #2
10) Walks into studio. Oh God, did anyone sleep? Did that person forget to shower? Haha his shirt is inside out. Ugh, that hair. Is EVERYONE wearing black??
11) “How much sleep did you get? NONE?!” Well, I feel bad for feeling so tired now. I’m such a pussy. Maybe I’ll lie and seem more badass.
12) “Yeah, I, like, totally stayed up all night. Yeah, I care so much about architecture. I’m so tired. I, like, almost cut my finger off at 3am.”
13) I’m too old for this shit.
14) COFFEE #3
15) Writes notes: architecture, blah, form, blah, narrative, blah, space, blah, materiality, blah.
16) Please let be me last.
17) That critic is horrible. Is anyone listening to this? Looks around. Nope.
18) Is it beer time yet?
19) Will anyone notice if I sneak out?
20) Comes back with coffee and cake. Tutor shoots death stare rays. I NEED TO EAT OK.
21) The other groups are way better than us.
22) I’m next. I need to pee. Did I put deodorant on this morning? Oh my god I’m going to throw up.
23) Says something along the lines of I’m awesome, love me.
24) They don’t love me. They hate me. This is horrible. Did they just say my work was shit?
25) My work is AMAZING. How could they say this to me? Do they want me to cry?! They probably do because they are all dicks. I hate my life.
26) I just forgot everything that just happened. I’m pretty sure I fell asleep standing. Yeah, I’m totally going to change my whole project AFTER I have already handed in. Stupid.
27) Well, that’s over. Is it beer time yet?
28) Yeah, let’s all go out for BYO later. This will be amazing. Yeah, socialising! Yay! So excited. WE SHOULD GO TO TOWN. Yes. Party, party, party. Best idea EVER.
29) Everyone bails in favour of 14 hour sleeps.
We are all insane.