Oh hello there, long time no blog!
I know, I know, you were all getting excited because it seemed like I was back to posting regularly and then, silence. Awkward. I do feel a little bad, but then, blogging is my hobby and I do it for enjoyment – so I allow myself to blog when I feel like it, not because I have to. It’s super special to me, and I am very happy that you find it special too. Thanks for always being there, my little online fam!
Today I am going to talk about single life, round two. Last time it was all about loving myself, and “WAHAAAY strong independent female” vibes. This time will be a little different. Because I’ve started to hit a point in my life where people have started acting a bit differently to my singledom. And it’s freaking me out.
I’ve had quite a few people asking me recently if I’ve been seeing anyone, and when I say no, instead of what used to be a “awesome, girl, single lyyyyyyyf whoop whoop” response, has now turned into a face of pity. This hideous, sad, puppy dog face that stares into my soul. It’s very disconcerting. I then feel as if I have to reassure them that, “I’m fine, I’m doing awesome actually, I don’t need no man…. have you seen How To Be Single?”
It isn’t sad to be single. I’m not sad. I’m perfectly happy. I have so much time to focus on my personal development, on my family, on my friendships. I’m actually, for the first time in a while, not interested in dating. If I want to connect with someone, I’ll call a friend. If I want a hug, I’ll hug my Mum.
It’s almost as if, because I’m 24, the world has this skewed expectation that I should be settling down a bit. That I should be dating and finding “the one”. How can I find “the one” if I haven’t found myself?
I am so happy for all of my friends who are seeing people, who have boyfriends and girlfriends, who have found their best friend. I love that they have love in their lives. It’s an amazing thing. But I don’t want that for myself, not yet. I am happy to appreciate what they have, learning about how good relationships work for my future, but at the moment I am happy to sit back and appreciate. And bonus, I usually get an extra friend out of it.
I have struggled with my love life for a long time. And I’m more often happy when I’m alone than when I’m seeing someone. My first and longest relationship ended as something manipulative and toxic. My second relationship was a beautiful thing but not meant to be, and I regret losing someone so loving. Since then, the fleeting relationships I have had have taught me that I have an energetic force that needs someone strong and kind to appreciate it, who can connect with it, not bring it down. I haven’t found someone who can care for me in the way that I want to be cared for, but then, I haven’t quite worked out how I can care for myself. So, how can I expect someone to care for me if I don’t know what I need?
I did find someone who knew how to care for me and how to nurture my nature, but they found someone else and moved away, so I am still in a process of moving on from that person. But it’s a little weird to tell anyone that, because unrequited love is a little bit of a strange and scary topic. And that face of pity I get from telling people I’m single would probably morph into an even sadder face of pity and I ain’t got no time for that.
This post has basically become a long winded version of what I tell people when they make that pity face. Maybe I should just link them this post. Genius.
Really, I don’t know why there are expectations placed on people to settle down and establish a life partnership so young. I don’t know why people feel sad for me that I am single. It’s not a sad thing, it is a brilliant and strong and exciting thing, and I have a lifetime ahead of me. So, don’t worry about me and my lack of a manfriend folks. I am in no need of a man.