Modern Romance: An Investigation by Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg
I have just finished reading Modern Romance, a book that delves into the many facets of dating in today’s technologically advanced world. I absolutely loved it, learned a bucket load of new facts and would highly recommend it to anyone remotely interested in dating/relationships. First off, it’s hilarious. Aziz is perfectly witty throughout. Secondly, it’s informative. Really, what’s not to love?
Here are eight lessons I learned from the book.
(Note: These would be classified as spoilers, but if you do read this list and haven’t read the book, there is still so much more to learn than what I have taken away and written here. Including stuff on cheating, a brief history of dating, the “herbivore man” and where to get the best ramen in Tokyo)
- Online dating sites and apps are great and should be used as an introductory tool, to meet new people to potentially date, but not to actually date on. Don’t get trapped in the weeks of back and forward texting. Be brave and ask someone out for coffee/a beer!
- If you ask someone out and they don’t text back within a day or two they’re just not that into you.
- Wait a little bit before texting back, maybe just 20 minutes or so, but don’t text back straight away. As much as I HATE the idea of playing games, apparently my prompt responses aren’t actually cute, they are needy and desperate. According to the book, psychologically it is better to act like you don’t care as much to get that guy/girl to want you more. This is why I have a serious problem with guys I don’t like falling in love with me, the ice queen struggle is real.
- The idea of marriage has shifted from a “good-enough” marriage, where you’d marry the girl/guy next door who had good prospects, was from a good family and was a good person, to the “soul-mate” marriage, where you seek to marry your best-friend and lover with whom you share similar values, interests and expectations.
- A relationship moves from “passionate love” to “compassionate love”, and a long-term successful relationship will manage to navigate this transition. “Passionate love” being the “OMGYOUAREAMAZINGMARRYMENOW” vibes you get initially, “compassionate love” being that “dude, you’re awesome and I love you, but we can exist without making out with each other 24/7 SLASH Netflix and chill” kind of thing.
- Try and go on more than one date with a person rather than deciding based off first impressions from a first date. Let’s face it, first dates are nerve racking and everyone acts weird.* Plus, some people don’t open up until you get to know them a little. See if the spark develops over a couple of dates, then decide.
- Speaking of dates, try and do something more interesting than just the typical drinks and dinner. Aziz suggests a monster truck rally. You do you.
- We have an amazing level of choice compared to past generations and we are very lucky, it can seem overwhelming, but it’s about learning how to navigate the technology and real life i.e. don’t go on Tinder while out at a bar. This book helps.
- BONUS. Aziz is absolutely hilarious. Yes, this book has the facts, the tips and the graphs, but it also has plenty of personality and humour. Definitely a must read for anyone navigating the dating scene.
* I have told stories of how to make the best fake blood, discussed how many children I want to have, expressed my undying love for Doctor Who and have spilled many drinks EVERYWHERE on my various first dates. If that’s not a good first impression, I don’t know what is.
PS Thank you to my amazing boss Claire for lending me this book to read, I loved it! ❤
BONUS FEATURE – Ladies Who Lunch have delved into the topic of online dating and the episode is really interesting and informative. Plus, the girls are easy to listen to. Have a listen HERE.